I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
