Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
