I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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