All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
