Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
