Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
