If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
