Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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