I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You pole danced in your parka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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