I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
