the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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