as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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