Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize