I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
