i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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