eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
That accounts for only three of the penises
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
