please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
