is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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