I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My dick has a subreddit
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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