So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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