Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
