Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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her facebook's as public as her vagina
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
