i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
