hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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