Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
