Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
