well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
