I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
