Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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