ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
