Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize