if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
