weddingsv make me drug and hornr
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
