Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Farmville is her only friend.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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