the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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