im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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