I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
