Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
