He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
