Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
