I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
