My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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