I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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