summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
