You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?