My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
