I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
