He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
