Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
