if you like me you must not know who I am
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
