i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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