the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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