Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
