I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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