my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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