I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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