Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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