it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
